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Saving Me

The money had been the initial reason for it, the stealing. No one would miss any of it, it was all forgotten about. It was all too easy. Then they’d come to find the source. Maybe a new rendition of Black Sun or some other criminal organization, but someone who thought that they needed the credits from the sales not Kyp. Then came the set up. They’d done a good job to make sure he took the fall for it. He never even saw it coming. The worst part was that they’d almost trapped Jaina in the scam. The set up had been that good. It was sheer dumb luck that she’d come to see him that night and sheer dumb luck that the police had thought her to be a neighbor. Probably saved her the jail time he was now facing. Not even the best lawyers could find a loophole in the set up and he was well and truly trapped. The sentence hadn’t been handed down yet but it was pretty certain to be a death sentence. No one could save him now.

He’d sat in this dark cold cell for days now, memorizing the ferocrete of the walls and trying to find something that would help him through it all. He’d long since come to the conclusion that he deserved this punishment. He’d tarnished the good name of the Jedi order and he’d shamed not only himself but Luke, Mara, everyone associated with him. The worst of it all had been the look in her eyes, when the police had arrived and she knew it all. The look had hurt him more than any of the rest of it. The pain of her eyes burning through his heart would live with him until his death.

She was the only one that had ever mattered. She’d saved him as many times as he’d saved her. But only she could save his soul now. She had to know that. She had to have seen it in his eyes, the pleading, the heart wrenching pain that he was feeling as they dragged him away. She hadn’t come to see him. Han and Leia had, as well as Luke and Mara. All looking for a reason why. Not in support, just wanting to know why. But not her. Not Jaina. The one person that he needed to see. The person who’s name he woke up screaming night after night.


Prison gates won’t open up for me
On these hands and knees I’m crawlin’
Oh, I reach for you
Well I’m terrified of these four walls
These iron bars can’t hold my soul in
All I need is you
Come please I’m callin’
And oh I scream for you

Hurry I’m fallin’



She could have made the difference for him. All it would have taken was a kind word, a smile, just a hint that she cared enough to be a part of his life. But she kept pushing him away. He’d loved her for as long as he could remember, first in a brotherly manner but then, something had changed. She’d blossomed and become the vision she was now, the beauty that he held so dear. The older she got the more his love for her grew, when they’d spar with each other mentally and in the practice ring he’d feel the pull. Like a floating space rock being pulled into a black hole he couldn’t resist her. And if only she’d love him back. If only she’d come see him, he’d have some hope that this would all be fine.

Show me what it’s like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I’ll show you what I can be
Say it for me
Say it to me
And I’ll leave this life behind me
Say it if it’s worth saving me


The final sentence would be handed down today. He knew what it would be, there was no question. Death, plain and simple. The government couldn’t have a renegade Jedi causing trouble in the galaxy. The ones that had framed him had pinned a lot on his shoulders. Theft, extortion, murder. And he didn’t even care. There wasn’t much left to live for. He’d seen the look in their eyes, the look of disdain. They’d seen him fall before and they knew that he’d not come back from this one. He’d sworn that he’d never fall again and now he’d let them down. They’d never call him a friend again. But none of it mattered to him. Only Jaina mattered. The idea that she thought that he’d done those terrible things ate at his sole. She’d never come to ask him why. She’d rejected him totally.

He’d walked into the courtroom in a daze, not caring what happened, simply scanning the room for hope. But she wasn’t there. She couldn’t save him now. Oh, he could have told the judge everything. He could have walked out of the courtroom a free man but what did it matter now? She’d never speak to him again much less care enough to defend him. There was no hope and no point left. He accepted the sentence with barely a nod. Death.

Maybe the release would come and he’d find a better place, a place where he could feel love instead of the pain that ate at him. A place that he was meant to be a part of. A place with her love.



Heaven’s gates won’t open up for me
With these broken wings I’m fallin’
And all I see is you
These city walls ain’t got no love for me
I’m on the ledge of the eighteenth story
And oh I scream for you
Come please I’m callin’
And all I need from you
Hurry I’m fallin’


A week left in this life. That’s all he had. He begged Han and Leia to tell her to come. He told them how much he needed to see her, to tell her. If only she would come he could explain it all to her. The pain he felt and the love she never knew. But she didn’t come.

Show me what it’s like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I’ll show you what I can be
Say it for me
Say it to me
And I’ll leave this life behind me
Say it if it’s worth saving me

Hurry I’m fallin’


The last night of his life he spent crying. Crying for her. Picturing her face in his mind and wishing himself into her heart. The nightmares would be strong and fast tonight. No doubt in his mind. The guards would come to see if he was alright as he wept and screamed her name over and over.


And all I need is you
Come please I’m callin’
And all I scream for you
Hurry I’m fallin’


The room was clean, sterile. A large window on one wall, covered now but there. The government representatives were there to make sure he paid for his crimes. Maybe if he’d still had family they’d be there too but he had no one. In every sense of the word. When they strapped him to the table he felt nothing, no pain, no cares, nothing. They pushed the needle into his arm and he waited for it to end. Soon the pain would stop. He smiled for a moment as he thought once more that she could have saved him. She could have told him she cared and he would have told them everything, the secrets, the plans, the whole operation would be laid open to them and he would go free. But she hadn’t come to save him so he let his fate stand. She didn’t care so why should he?


Show me what it’s like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I’ll show you what I can be
Say it for me
Say it to me
And I’ll leave this life behind me
Say it if it’s worth saving me

Hurry I’m fallin’


The liquid ran down the tube and into his arm, slipping softly into oblivion. He watched with sudden clarity as his fate was delivered. The curtain was drawn back revealing the people there. Two men in suits and in the shadow another figure. Small and slender, curved and sleek. The injection began to take effect and his vision blurred. Jaina stepped forward, leaning close to the glass, hand raised, palm resting on the cool surface. A tear running down her cheek as his head began to swim. A dark edge eating away at his vision. Her face blurred as the poisons dragged him down into eternity. She would be the last thing he saw as he fell away. Her lips pulled back into a smile as she finally said the words he’d been waiting to hear for so long “I love you.”

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