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Chapter 8 : The Galaxy Far Far Away

Somewhere far away from the galaxy far, far away, Chilla sighed with frustration. She was out of plot bunnies for her story. But even worse was that she suffered from a lack of chocolate.

Still in a foul mood, she opened the door of her big brother’s room where she’d been using the computer – once his’, but now hers. She stumbled down the wooden stairs and checked out the “candy cupboard” in the kitchen.

Nothing.

Shit.

She went down into the basement, where her father often stored candies in another cupboard.
Careful not to wake her sleeping parents, she sneaked around the corner….

….and armored arms wrapped themselves around her body and over her mouth.

Chilla reacted instantly, smashing her elbows into her attacker’s body. Only to find that he wore a body plate that hurt to hit against.

He pulled her into the room where Chilla’s mother always washed the clothes of the family. Next to the washing machine and the dryer was a door that led to the garden.
The door had been blown open and her attacker almost had to carry her up the stairs.

In the garden waited a ship. Chilla recognized it immediately. It was a ship she’d only seen before in the television, but now it turned into a nightmare.

It was the Slave I.

She managed to yank herself free and stared right into Boba Fett’s Mandalorian helmet.
It didn’t feel good.

Now she was sure someone was trying to kid her. But she’d thwart this boy.

Furious, she folded her hands in front of her body and started yelling at this Boba-Fett-wannabe.

“Sag mal, hast du nen Knall oder was?!”

Her eyes were blazing, clearly warning him not to say something stupid.

Baba just stared at her blankly.

Drawing a careful breath, she tried it in English this time.
“Are you totally stupid or what?!”

This time she got a reaction, but not one she’d expected. Boba Fett – best known bounty hunter in the galaxy and a very dangerous man – bowed to her.

Chilla stared at him as if he’d lost his mind.

A male voice spoke from behind the helmet.

“Empress Chilla, I’m sorry for the inconvenience.”

“What?!”

“You’ve been kidnapped from Imperial City and brainwashed.”

“You’re sick or something?! What the heck is going on?”, remembering something, she ordered: “Take off that bucket, Karsten!”

He actually took off his helmet, but it wasn’t her brother underneath. Chilla stared at the face of a stranger, one who happened to look exactly like Jango Fett from Star Wars: Episode II.

Cautiously she moved around him. He stood still, letting her inspect him.

Ending her tour in front of him again, she looked at him both careful and suspicious. But silently she was worried for his sanity.
That guy seemed to be deadly serious.
What a freak.

“Who did you say I am?”, she asked dubious.

“Empress Chilla of the Galactic Empire.”

“Oh no, you must be mistaken. I was only Empress Chilla once and that was in a fanfic by Mel….MsLanna”, she added.

“So you remember it?”, Boba Fett asked, obviously happily surprised.

Chilla resisted the urge to seriously whack him.

“Yeah”, she murmured annoyed, “I was wearing a pink flightsuit, talking to Pink Five and I was with Hethrir and he was obsessed with shampoos…”, Chilla blurted out what she recalled from MsLanna’s fanfic.

Boba Fett blinked.

“I thought you’d only wear black or dark blue…”, he started carefully.
Now he had her full attention.

“And I’m not together with Hethrir?”

“No…not that I know of.”
Boba Fett seemed to be taken aback.

“Okay, what year is it now?”, she asked, mind razing.

“One year after the Rebellion tried to destroy your first Death Star and your student Darth Vader’s attempt to take your place.
Nice headshot with the lightning, by the way.”

Chilla couldn’t help but stare at him, mouth hanging wide open.

“You mean…I’m a Sith?”

“Yes, you’re the most powerful Sith the galaxy has ever seen.”

“And you’re working for me? Or how else do you know all this?”

“You’ve signed a contract with me two years ago. I’m your bodyguard and sometimes you let me fly your private yacht. And we often train in the gym.”

What did I do that I can boss him around like that?, Chilla wondered.

Aloud, she said: “And what do you want to do now?”

“I’ll take you back to the palace.”

“And what if I don’t want to go there?”, she challenged.

“……..We’ve got chocolate.”, Boba Fett said as if that alone would change her mind.


It did.

“Mountain Dew?”, Chilla wanted to know. There was no Mountain Dew in Germany, a fact that bothered her greatly.

The bounty hunter nodded.
“You’ve got the monopole on the export and import of all Mountain Dew. And there’s a death sentence on the smuggling of Mountain Dew.”

“Cookies?”, she asked hesitantly, while all in her screamed inwardly: What the heck?!
Boba just nodded, grinning like a child.

Well, I guess that’s how I’ve made him loyal…, Chilla thought dryly.


Doesn’t sound that bad at all. At least better than school. And it can’t hurt to check it out.

Scanning the garden one last time for any hidden cameras that could record this mess for the next TV show, she let her arms drop to her sides.

“Okay, but I fly!”

It was a test; to see if he really meant it.
Considering she didn’t even have a driver’s license, this could get extremely funny. And Boba Fett would know that…or not?
But he didn’t complain.

She made her way up the ramp, never looking back and let herself fall into the pilot’s seat.

“Just out of curiosity: How old am I?”

“Officially 16 years of age, but you act and look a lot older and you’ve stopped aging. A side effect of using the chocolate-with-nuts side of the force, as you call it.”

Now Chilla started getting worried about her own sanity. She couldn’t be imagining all of this, could she?

Could this all be a dream? Or was she a victim of another one of Lanna’s stories?
But her elbows still hurt from hitting Fett’s armor.
It had to be real.

She decided to trust this guy, at least for a while.

Gazing at the unfamiliar controls, something important entered her mind:
“Wait! My books!”

“Don’t worry, Empress! I have you whole collection of 75 Star Wars books, your favorite DVDs and your pillow.”

Chilla sighed relieved.

“My music?”

“In the cargo bay with your computer.”

“Good!”

Randomly pressing a few buttons, Chilla actually managed to not only close the ramp; no, she even got the ship to lift off.

Slowly descending into the air, she had a good view on her hometown. And on her school.

She must have grimaced, cause Boba turned to face her and asked:
“You want me to bomb this building?”

Chilla blinked at him flabbergasted.

“You’d really do that? I mean, just like that? With a twist of your finger?”

“I could even do that with my little finger!”, Boba announced proudly.

Chilla forced herself to turn away from him.

Men.

Somehow they always managed to surprise her. And she had thought she knew them pretty well. After all she had three brothers.

Shaking her head to think more clearly, she asked:

“Does….the Earth belong to my Empire?”

“Why, yes! But it isn’t called Earth! It’s Corellia!”

“What?!”, she found herself screaming once again.

Oh well, I should have known it. Wonder how high the odds of this actually happening are?

“Well, I guess then you can safely bomb it.”

Can’t get any worse now…
At least I’ve done something good for all of my poor friends who’ll still have to go to school here.


Boba Fett pressed a button on his display with his little finger as if it was nothing special.
Cascades of flames appeared where the school had once been. A more than 150 years old building gone in less than a second.
Not bad, that ship.

Chilla grabbed the joystick and pulled the Slave I up till it faced the stars.

Then, she gave Boba Fett the control over his beloved ship back.

* * *

Coruscant looked even more amazing than in the movies. They arrived at the night side, so Chilla had a great view.

Was that really her city now?

“How large is my Empire?”, she wanted to know.

“The entire known galaxy except for the Chiss Ascendancy. But Thrawn, the leader of the Ascendancy, is a close friend of yours. You solve Sudokus with him every Friday.”

Chilla tried to swallow. She’d always liked Thrawn in the books. Now, would she meet him?

The comm beeped and after Boba had answered all of their questions, an escort arrived and led them to the palace.

They set down gently on a landing platform. No one greeted them and Chilla asked Boba for the reason.

“You’ve stated earlier that you don’t want all of that pomp. You prefer to be inconspicuous.”

“Ah”, was all Chilla could get out.

They walked toward the heavy doors that led directly into the palace.

Chilla had to hurry to keep up with her very own bounty hunter as he marched down the corridors. She would have liked to have a closer look at everything.

Boba Fett stopped in front of a black turbolift cabin.

“This turbolift leads to your private chambers. You rarely let someone in, so I’ll leave you here.
May the chocolate be with you.”

Only then did Boba Fett put his helmet back in place and disappeared into the shadows.

Chilla stared at him till he was gone, still utterly confused.

Bracing herself, she opened the cabin by pressing the only button she could find.

Inside, she was confronted with several numbers for the floors.

A lot of numbers.

Pressing the one at the very top and hoping it was the right one, she tried to suppress her fear and wrapped her arms around herself. If she was lucky, no one would await her there.

She wasn’t.

The cabin doors opened to reveal her dream boy.

Black hair, dark blue eyes and a very handsome face. And muscles.

“Welcome back, Master.”, he greeted her, smiling warmly.

Chilla felt herself blush and tried to calm down.

He can’t be a Sith, can he? He’s smiled warmly.
No, definitely not
, she answered her own question.

“Who are you?”

“Boba Fett has already told me what happened. Don’t worry, your memory will come back soon. I’m Dan, your boyfriend and student. You’re teaching me in the proper ways of using the chocolate side of the force.”

Aha, so he’s a Daniel. I’ve always liked that name.

“So, and you live here with me?”

“Yeah, most of the time. When we aren’t flying around with your ship or you’ve thrown me out because I’ve eaten the last piece of chocolate.”, he grinned.

He really looked good.

Maybe this whole thing isn’t that bad at all.

And then Dan gave her some chocolate.

Happy April Fool's Day! *insert wide grin here*

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